Those Advice from My Dad Which Rescued Me as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up amongst men, who still absorb damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of being weak to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a break - spending a couple of days abroad, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to things that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."